It's deployment not defeat

A new year is approaching so the 2016 reminiscing has begun. Some years pass and they don’t seem very significant but this year is going down in the books. I am blessed to have been able to grow in unpredictable ways… through a mix of highs and lows, my heart has changed and Jesus has become so near. When the year started I had life scheduled out and I was ready to roll. Through sickness, losing people, gaining new people, and letting myself change from Maggie back to Margaret with every clipboard filled with medical forms, I had to let go of my precious timeline.

As I look back on 2016, I would not trade this journey for any other. Truly, this year has been the ride of my life though I was often far from content. My heart has wearied here and there and I have romanticized 2017 as if the grass gets greener on January 1st. God brought growth out of dry land and joy through pain. “He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.” 2 Samuel 22:20. Examining deep in the heart in preparation of 2017 I continue to pray that God will heal me only when his work through this tired body is done.

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession, for we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." Hebrews 4:14-15

We serve a God who is able in every respect to sympathize with our weaknesses. He knows our limitations but more importantly he shows his strength through them. When curveballs keep coming your way it doesn’t mean you are defeated, it means you are deployed. Our weaknesses do not slip God’s mind; he knows them very well. Battling through trials sometimes feels like too much to handle, so let me confirm for you that it is. You cannot handle it which is why God will be glorified because he will handle it for you…. You have only to be still.

Photo Credit: George Holleway 

Update: This year contained lots of really good things, though in all honesty it has been exceptionally hard on my heart and body. With an expectant heart I get to say that as treacherous as this road has become, we are coming to some conclusions and embarking on new (and slightly whack) methods of treatment. My diet is very restrictive, but there are certain food items I have been able to keep down. Though pain is still an issue when I eat, I am almost back to an acceptable weight which feels pretty good (shout out to Gatorade, bacon, and macadamia nuts). I love tasty foods so the continuing lack of variety makes me a bit antsy at times.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were both difficult for me and were preceded by flares of multiple fainting episodes, nausea, pain, fibromyalgia breakout, fluid retention, and fatigue. I handled the food better on Christmas than I did on thanksgiving, so I am taking that as a sign of improvement! We have had several function tests run (one of which made me very sick for days), and the results came back fine. Which is actually a good thing because it means that we are on the right track with the medicinal treatment we are trying.

God sustained me through joining in some fun things with sweet high school friends and then to spend a night in the (below freezing) great outdoors at Garner state park…. the stars were unbelievable. My soul leaps for joy at the memories made! I have missed feeling young and adventurous! Definitely thanking God for this special pick-me-up. The God of 2017 is the same God of 2016 and the same God that ruled during the reign of King Jehoshaphat (thinking of 2 Chronicles 20:15). The souls who he has not forgotten he has not failed, and he has not forgotten a single soul.