God Anoints Who He Appoints

Some nights I lie in bed wide awake with random aches and pains migrating through my body. I can't seem to determine if it's the pain that keeps me up or the thoughts that run through my mind. Sometimes I am at peace as I lie awake and other times fear creeps in. Very often I try to figure out the pattern of the migrating pain so I can prepare myself but I've yet to be able to. It's moments like these when the choice is mine, to choose Jesus or to choose fear. Experiencing these illnesses definitely causes fear if I try to examine it without looking through the cross. Viewing life through the pair of eyes Jesus provides through his words is one of the sweetest gifts we have in him. What I see happening as I dig into his word is God entrusting me with more responsibilities... more hearts to sow into. 

Just this last week I was questioning "why"... whining to God about how useless I felt. That moment is when God decided to prove that this sickness is not about me. It's not a punishment and it's not because I deserve it. It came with the purpose of reaching broken and hurting people! The moment I questioned, God provided a connection with a lady on Instagram whose step-daughter is very sick with POTS. She didn't know what to do and she turned to me. My calling was clear again. God has given sickness as a gift to further equip my vessel for sharing Christ. That's what this is about. 

Psalm 18:1-3 "I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies." 

Psalm 3:3-6 "But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side." 

An update: Big praise- I have been able to keep down more solid foods on a regular basis! Thank you Jesus! I still experience excruciating stomach pain, but hope remains. These past few days particularly have been hard for me. I'm very tired and my body aches. When I am experiencing a low such as this, the battle between Netflix and time with Jesus is too real! I continue to ask for prayer over my body, mind, and soul. I have started a new treatment protocol to kill off some bacteria which is making me feel sick for the time being. I am thankful there is hope of it helping though! As Spoonies (people with chronic illness) say- I'm all out of spoons today. 

My desire is to not waste this time, but to make the most of it. God anoints whomever he appoints, time and time again, without fail. My eyes are open as I look to the future. My family and I have hope and are leaning on Jesus. Appointments with my gastroenterologist, cardiologist, and neurologist are approaching and I am trying to wait patiently as the time passes by. I am slightly sad to not get to join in on all the traditional thanksgiving foods this year, but I'm sure we'll make my approved foods as tasty as could be! I can't wait to see what all God has in store between this thanksgiving and next. But for this thanksgiving I give thanks for how far God has brought me and give thanks in advance for what is to come.