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Monday, June 27, 2016

Seeking lovely

Since my last post a lot has happened in life emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It has been interesting to see what God is choosing to prune in my life- the things He has picked to be the challenges and encouragements in the forefront. There are a lot of challenges but a lot more praises! God is growing my confidence... but not exactly self-confidence, more of a confidence in Him. I have confidence that He will bring any good work started in me around to completion. A few days after my last post I left the book I had talked about at my bestie's house (So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore). Though she is my bestie, my ride or die, and the peanut butter to my jelly, I typically don't get to see her but every few weeks. So not having my beloved book, I was running dry on material and decided to start a Bible study with my mom and sister called "Looking for Lovely" by Annie Downs. Oh my word I couldn't have imagined better timing and sweeter intervention by Jesus! The whole focus is to find the lovely in the daily. This isn't just taking more notice of the lovely things that happen to pop in our faces, but to diligently seek it out. It is more of a life changer than I had expected.

Starting this study was in good timing because I had my last (hopefully) doctors appointment until the end of summer. I have been diligent with the sodium intake and hydration, but getting enough solid sleep has been difficult (which is increasing fatigue more than we'd like to be seeing). I am considering a sleeping aid, Lunesta- any feedback from anyone who has taken it before? Since I have been struggling with sleep and fatigue I was struggling with some anxiety over standing in my life-long friend's wedding the weekend before last. Passing out was my biggest fear, which by the way didn't happen!! I am seeing some "lovely" and God's faithfulness in that. Beyond the physical victory of making it through the wedding and the days in preparation for it, there was an emotional victory and a spiritual victory. The whole thing was encouraging and built my confidence in God even more because of this victory He gave me. It may seem small, but to me it's really big. I found "lovely" in the fact that He is and aways will keep me in His all powerful care.

Some days I get my mind in a wrench thinking about the fact that I am not yet completely better. I have many days full of tears which can make it easy to lose sight of all the good days with laughter. I sometimes become extra sad in viewing myself as incompetent and get bogged down in the fact that right now in this moment I am struggling more than I ever imagined I would be. In the short time I've been journeying to look for the lovely, I have seen a difference in this area. It has encouraged me to look past the moment of sadness in anticipation of what is to come. Feeling the fatigue but knowing it has come to pass. Being beyond exhausted after the wedding and road trip, but seeing that I did indeed make it through. Thinking of the things I can't do right now, like have a job, as something to look forward to later. For every negative thing there can often be found a few positives to counter it. In the study, we are covering how to find the lovely through sufferings. The focus is Romans 5:1-5 where it says that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope. I have been adding in a memory I have of Beth Moore calling it "perse'dang'verance" which cracks me up but sometimes it is totally true!

This is also a really lovely time of year with the butterflies flitting around and the baby animals that are active and playful. Mom and I drove to Austin with the kids the other day and I couldn't get over the flowers! Sunflowers are my favorite and they were plentiful, but all the other flowers were gorgeous too! We went to Krause Springs before we went home... The water was clear and glassy and the fern was so green. There is a rope swing that all the kids were jumping off of and it made me think back to all the times I have been there and done the exact same thing. My toes are painted bright pink and the little fish were nibbling on my toes, it was cute. There have been so many DreamWorks days with such gorgeous, fluffy clouds and crispy sunshine! To me these are really lovely things. I believe that God knew way before our existence, that life would be hard and we would have struggles. Even in the really really good things (relationships, family, work, kids) there are struggles. He knew that would happen. I think this is why God placed pretty days, curious animals, flowers, and lovely places around us to show us His glory and keep us looking up.

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