December 2014 concluded my senior
year of high school; I finished a semester early. I was faced with making a
decision about what to do for the remaining Spring semester. I could start
taking college classes at the community college or I could get a minimum wage
job. I wasn’t feeling a clear direction towards either. The more I prayed, the
more I felt God saying that I was to let this season be a season for missions.
While this calling was clear, I was hesitant. I was 17 at the time completely
doubting that I could possibly be effective in a spontaneous call to sow into
others. Who would I serve? Who would want to listen to me? Who would let me
impact their life? I prayed a prayer I will never forget- only because it was
answered so immediately and clearly. “Lord- I have the Spring semester ahead of
me. I think it would be wisest to go to college, but You’re saying to serve. If
this is what You want, You are going to have to show me how.” No more had I
said Amen when the phone rang. A lady I grew up knowing called to tell me about
a need a family in our community was having. The Lord had placed me, of all
people, on her heart for this opportunity. Two other unrelated people, that
very same day, talked to me about filling this exact need. I knew the call was
clear.
This
precious family had a loving mother and father and 7 children. The mother had
had an Amniotic Embolism during childbirth causing them to lose their 8th
child, a baby girl, and their mother to slip away in a coma. Their need was to
have a weekday nanny to watch after the 7 kids. I came from a family with one
boy and one girl, at the time. I had no idea what I was walking into- which I
believe was God’s amazing grace. Day one, January 5th, 2015 started a 6 ½ month
journey that changed my life. Seven beautiful, joyful, Jesus loving, grieving
children that I got to share life with. I expected to share Jesus with them,
love on them, and bless them. Boy! I was so wrong! So backwards in my thinking!
I learned quickly that I was so weak, so incapable. My love was so flawed.
These children showed me how to love through the thick and the thin by the way
they loved on me. They showed me how to bless by being a blessing in ways they
probably didn’t even intend. They showed me Jesus in ways I could have never
imagined.
I
worked there for almost a month before their mother passed away. I worked
10-14hr days 4 days a week. Each day was different than the previous. My days
were filled with laundry, cooking, games, reading, laughing, crying, a whole
lot of Jesus… and way too much coffee. I have never depended on Jesus so much. The
kids were respectful and pretty easy for the most part, but I got so tired. I
would come home and as I lay in bed some nights I would tell God, “I can’t do
tomorrow.” That’s when I realized I had placed limits on my faith based on
myself. Each day He gave me only the energy I needed for that exact day. I
believe that was God’s way of making me depend on Him and trust Him fully. He
knows me so well. He knew that if He gave me more than what I needed for that
moment I would have run off with the extra and left Him behind, forgetting
where I got it in the first place. The laughing and playing was physically
exhausting but holding the kids daily while they grieved the loss of their mother
was incredibly emotionally taxing. The time I spent there was the most exhausting,
rewarding, challenging and fulfilling time of my life.
Almost
a year later from my very first day, I find myself reflecting on those days. Every
detail brings me joy. At the time, the laundry, the cooking, the disciplinary role,
the frogs, and the mud tracked inside seemed forever unending. The long days
that felt double what they were. It all seems so small now. As I reflect on even
the simplest of tasks, like taking the trash out, I don’t find myself remembering
the heavy bag or stepping over toys on my way to the dumpster, but I remember
the little boys running up to me with their newest bug or invention. I remember
the little girls showing me their pretty bouquets of weed flowers. They taught
me to take pleasure in the little things. Rather than thumping a ladybug off my
arm like it is an inconvenience in my day, to take pleasure in the fact that
our God made it and take a moment to enjoy its uniqueness, then to gently blow
it off and watch as it flies away.
I
love looking back to see what God has used to shape and change me. Had I not
had the experience of completely depending on Him and watching Him place His
fingerprints all around me, my first semester of college would have been so
different. The way I view the world around me, my family, my friends, my money,
my time, would all be so different. Having had a taste of what it is like to
depend on Jesus for the smallest of things has caused me to crave that kind of
dependence once again. Then I realize that it isn’t only in challenging times that I should depend on Him completely, but rather in every situation, in everyday.
This is how we are meant to live.
