Blogging about the Lord is much more interesting than
writing health updates, however some of you have asked so here it goes. There
is reason to think that my current autoimmune illnesses are linked to when I
broke the C2 vertebrae in my neck (damage to the autonomic nervous system). When
it happened I was 15 years old and didn’t think about the implications of the
injury as much as I thought of how ugly the neck brace was. I had it in the
back of my mind that I was a lucky girl to not be paralyzed but I shoved those
thoughts aside. I am a few months away from the anniversary of the accident and
it hit me like a truck yesterday how very blessed I am. That break could have
caused so much more damage than it did. It could have damaged the central
nervous system and I could have never walked again or even died. So
thanksgiving is the mind frame in which I write about these current struggles.
Though I was diagnosed with dysautonomia (POTS) at age 11 it
did not impact my daily life all that much until freshman year of college.
Trauma to the head and spine have proven to make POTS worsen for people like me.
Through scoliosis, broken coccyx, concussions, and broken neck it is understandable
that my health has been so effected. We have been discovering that my health
problems go deeper than just POTS. There are many people, including my sweet
cousin Moriah, who have seen my same cardiologist for POTS and have experienced
improvements. I have not fainted in going on a month now and that is a big
improvement. But the level of my day to day ability to function is still low. There
were things that we were attributing to POTS that the POTS treatment is not
fixing so we are still on the quest for answers.
My cardiologist mentioned a while back that I am on the threshold
of Ehlers Danlos Syndrom (EDS). Through tracking my symptoms, I do not believe
he would say that I am only on the threshold anymore. I am not sure I want another
label put on me though. I struggle mightily with chronic fatigue and pain. But
it’s nothing a smile can’t hide, right? One of the main things that originally
got us pursuing doctors was the pain I would experience after meals. I cut out
gluten and random foods that I knew would cause a reaction but years later
there has not been full success. In fact, I need more prayer than ever right
now because I am at the point where my stomach is so sick of food that I am not
only experiencing pain but I am often not keeping food down at all. Through
lots of research and collaborating with a friend who is on the same struggle bus, I have started a
low histamine diet. It was overwhelming at first but I think I am settling in.
Juicing has been my best friend because I have the most
success with keeping juices down. “Keeping it down” though often means being
nauseous, breaking out in hives, dizziness, and swelling. I know this is not
normal and I am definitely not settling for a life of being underweight and
puking. I have a chiropractor appointment on Wednesday with a lady who has seen
people for the same reasons and who has had success in the treatment. There is
also a highly esteemed doctor in Sugarland who specializes in degenerative and
autoimmune diseases. It is hard to get in to see him. The praise is that I got
an appointment, the prayer is that they will be able to move that appointment up
sooner than April 25, 2017 at 2:30.
Life with an invisible illness is easy to hide when people
only see you when you’re at your best. In the same day someone will say “you
look amazing I’m so glad you’re doing better” and another will say “oh darling
you don’t look so good today.” The latter is easier to believe because that’s
how I feel beneath the smile and makeup, but the first is what I long to be true.
I have many prayers and praises and I often repent for various sarcastic, mental
comments. But the most consistent of prayers is that my security will not lie
within this body- I have it for only a time. We are wired for life and eating
is apart of that process. When my stomach is in jabbing pain but is essentially
empty and when I am hungry but throw up after a few bites it is easy to idolize
food. I want this momentary hunger and pain to serve as a reminder of the
hunger I should have for God’s Word and the fervent way I should seek him. And yes,
I do believe this is just momentary and only but a mist of time.
How truly thankful I am that my life did not end up the way it
could have and that it didn’t turn out how I had planned. His plan is always
better. This journey he has me on has benefitted my heart and has allowed me to
empathize with so many. Anything that Satan intends for harm God can and will
use for good if only you surrender. I believe there is healing in my future,
but I pray that when I get there I will never forget what this time was like and always walk in humility toward Christ. “We ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers, as is right,
because your faith is growing abundantly, and the love of every one of you for
one another is increasing. Therefore we ourselves boast about you in the
churches of God for your steadfastness and faith in all your persecutions and
in the afflictions that you are enduring.” 2 Thessalonians 1:3-4
